Thursday, October 27, 2011

31 for 21: #27 Hey, Are You Talking to Me?

No, seriously, is she talking to me? 

Yes, and she just told you a lot of things that's she been doing recently.  And is expecting you to answer, now...really.


It is interesting that I friend of mine should decide to 'fess up about her biggest darkest fears today over at Chronicles of Ellie Bellie Bear.

It is very similar to the fears that have been growing over here.  In a nutshell, she is worried that her Bear won't ever talk and it will shrink her future. 

Um, Yuh.  Feeling you, Anna.

My advice that I posted up in response, was this:
"Talk about everything. Be your own life narrator. Until it makes you bonkers. Elise didn't even start babbling until she was 3, or attempt words until she was 4 and 5...she's still super delayed, but has progressed terrifically over the last 3 years.... Trust me, I SO understand!!!!!"

When Elise was little, I read an article talking about the hypothetical Einstein Syndrome.  It sounded like good advice.  I felt encouraged and decided to act on the theory...within reason.  I believed with reasonable intervention, my child would be able to hang on by her fingernails and wouldn't get too far behind, despite her diagnosis.  That if I believed she could do it and worked with her tirelessly, she could.

Fast forward a few years.  Despite intense, consistent intervention, therapies, and LOTS of parental involvement...she was getting more steadily behind her peers.  I was struggling with a lot of self-berating for not getting it right.  Did I not really believe it?  What was I doing wrong?  Then I realized that Elise had had a LOT of medical issues, so perhaps that was making an impact?  At the end of her chemo, and the beginning of being put into the school system part-time at age 3, I felt surely she would start her upward climb.

Again...not so much.

I decided that as long as I treated her as if she could do things, then she would continue to have input and opportunities, and I quit thinking about it...I totally pulled a Scarlett, "I shall think about that tomorrow!"

Again, fast forward some more...  I realized abruptly a few weeks ago, that my Magical Age Nine would not be the magical age I had hoped it would be.  That she was not talking and communicating as I had hoped she would be.  As a matter of fact, she was so very far behind, it is interfering with her ability to make and keep friends...and even play...despite the progress she has made.  We are still playing the Word Association Games that have become such the staple in our life.

And I started thinking forward to the same fears as my friend Anna is worrying over her little girl.  I started really wondering about Elise's general independence and communication ability.  I started concluding that our intervention, instead of helping her stay with her peers, was more just keeping her treading water...just keeping her from drifting backward in the flow of life...holding.

I find myself wondering again, if Elise will ever be independent.  I started pestering Ethan about my worries, and we concluded the same thing.  Keep on treating her like she she would improve, and don't start panicking, yet. 

I really don't know, what Elise's future will be.  I have decided to "worry about that tomorrow", too.  There is no need to borrow trouble.  Even God reminded me of that recently, when I was worrying if we were burying our heads in the sand.  Matthew 6:25-34...It was quite the gift, frankly!

Really...tell me this doesn't help you, too!

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. "  ~ Matthew 6:34

1 comment:

  1. I think that it may be your best advice yet "Keep on treating her like she she would improve, and don't start panicking, yet. " I am not so good at the not panicking part, but I shall try to "worrying about that tomorrow". You are wise woman, Tiffany. I wish you didn't have all of these worries with Elise.