Friday, February 5, 2016

Itty Bitty Living Space

Today I went on a bit of a rant on Facebook.  I'd like the chance to explain myself a little bit.  Give some perspective.

My Facebook post:
"I don't particularly love having to pick up my kid in the handicapped pick up in the back parking lot because it means my kid is not ABLE to sit like yours and wait without being unsafe. But I do know that when I was forced to pick up in the regular carline, I got hands flailed at me, cussed at, and flipped off for taking so long.

Imagine my irritation at getting flipped off, cussed, and flailed at for trying to save you time by picking my kid up in the handicapped area.

DON'T be a TURD. Or I'll take pleasure at gumming up carline.

You'll mess only your own nest."

I get the big arm know the one...the one that asks WHAT ARE YOU DOING? with exasperation...about once a day in carline.  I get flipped off about once a week.  Today was a first time event this year, where not one, but two cars cut me off and blocked me from going down the other lane to avoid the carline, so I could go around back to get Elise.  I am not sure what they thought they were proving by doing this, especially as the principal goes around back and makes sure you are supposed to be there if there is too much traffic in the back.

Here's the thing.  I don't feel that IT'S MY RIGHT to get special treatment.  I prefer for my child to get help to remain safe and for us to be able to take our time without duress at every transition.  Especially as it is truly her body (and sometimes mind) that requires more time to plan movements as she gets in and out of the car.  But I don't WANT to block everyone else as my life moves in slow motion.  My life always moves in some kind of time subset from everyone else, I am used to it.  I cannot plan what will make a day go sideways, though, and if that happens, it's going to get weird fast. 

As a matter of fact, a friend posted up a comedian talking about his son with autism.  He said something along the lines that he never knew "how to describe taking care of a child with autism....  But during a festival, it all became very clear.  It's like taking care of your very best friend, after they have done waaaay too many shrooms.  While you yourself are on a moderate amount of shrooms."

Now, Elise has not been diagnosed with autism, but she does have a lot of personal similarities.  And I have, on more than one occasion, likened my life to Alice in Wonderland.  Things get keep getting weirder and weirder...and you know it's weird, but everyone that you are dealing with makes YOU feel like you are the weird one in the situation.  You are forced to change yourself and your expectations so many times, that you find yourself just as crazy as everything else appeared to be.  (And, for the record, I also said, all through high school and college that I absolutely thought Lewis Carroll wrote it while high.  You know the drill, right?  He thought he was being suuuper deep, and was smart enough that he managed to tie all the crazy to actual happenstance, political or otherwise, but it was still completely wacked out.  Yuh.  That.  You've all seen that guy once, right??)

EEEEnyways, back to my story, I am truly doing you a favor not to tie you into my brand of crazy.  So if you don't have a child with special needs, you may think that I am getting these absurd special privileges.  But let me explain this to you in a nice, tidy little nutshell. 

You know the scene in Aladdin where he tricks Jafar into wishing to become a genie?  Because Genie explained to him the paradox?  (

Well, the allowances may appear to be
"Phenomenal cosmic powers!!!!"

But to us, as special needs parents, it's really just allowance to get tied up into our
"Itty Bitty Living Space", where our child feels and IS safe.
So, do us a favor, and be patient.  Please assume that things are more complicated than they appear on the surface, because they usually are.