Thursday, September 1, 2011

Nine. The Raw Truth.

I have been dabbling in melacholy again. I don't indulge in this very often. But last week, while I was sick, I slipped. I realized, all of a sudden, that my imaginary timeline has a serious flaw.

At nine, Elise was going to be able to talk. Like a typical 4 or 5 year old. And I was going to get to hear some of what was going on in her mind and heart.

It's not going to happen.

Elise will be nine at the end of October. Barring some miraculous miracle, Elise will not move from a 2-3 year old vocabulary to a mature and chatty 5 year old vocabulary.

And so I cried.

Today, I am okay...I will probably end up with a new imaginary magic age, like 12... But I can start waiting again...and that's all I can really do, anyway. But I have regrouped...I can happily celebrate the tiny miracles...

Anybody else ever done something like this? I don't want to be all alone in the crazy today... :)


  1. Been there, my friend.

    Benjamin is three and in school.

    We have no words and *maybe* two signs.

    I know there are still years for him to learn and to talk. But I just doubt it with every month that passes with no improvement.

  2. Yes, every now and then when I least expect it, reality comes crashing down on me like a tidal wave. I try not to let the enemy carry me away with all those "will she ever be able to..." thoughts. I have to MAKE myself refocus and remember that God has a perfect plan for her and find joy in those "tiny miracles" this side of heaven.