31 for 21: Better Than It Looks: Support

Article of Evidence #7...and you thought I'd lost count and forgotten!!

I have access to AMAZING support networks.

As the mother of a typical child first, I know that there are groups around town that you can choose to get plugged into.  There is, of course, family and long-standing friends that would come to your aid in a pinch...but for all out network that you know that you can call in the troops and EVERY MAN OF THEM WILL COME RUNNING?  Yeah, us cool kids have got that in spades.

I love the 31 for 21 blogoshpere because the veteran mamas will come out and post religiously...and I take obsessive notes... 

Last year, I was driven by friends' circumstances, to do a bit of research on sexual abuse and kids with special needs.  What I found was nauseating.  You can read it HERE.

I was pushed by that information to start limiting and structuring Elise's emotional/affectionate displays.  As a protection. 

The problem is, that Elise is still fairly non-verbal, and it is absolutely in her affection hierarchy to hug close friends.  We did put a total (successful!) kibosh on allowing her to kiss anyone but family.  But I'd allowed friend hugs to continue.  I was still somewhat at a loss to how to stop it completely, as it is in her emotional repertoire...and, I'll be honest, as a Southerner, it's heavily in most people's friendship greeting repertoires... so it's a really grey area...

She is also heavily physical in her displays of ALL emotions...AND I struggle because she craves sensory input, and asks for "heavy hugs" regularly as a calming device...

This year, a friend of mine posted a blog entry that has brought it all up in my mind again...and I needed to throw that out there for your thoughts and safety and also to ask for input...how to allow for affection without putting her at risk...  HERE is her post. 

Truthfully, the safety factor is pretty clear.  But I am also somewhat worried about hurting her spirit, too...  It's a nasty, fine line...  Even if you argue that you can allow it with close friends, the statistics are clear in that 30%-60% of sexual assault occurs within close friend/family circles...

Can you ever protect as much as you need to and want to?  *sigh*

Pray hard.  And don't dismiss the paranoia.

I'm thankful for urges to protect my child and to deliberately think about ways to protect.

31 for 21: #7 - Legitimate Paranoia

Okay.  I grew up in the 80's where nothing bad ever happened, right?  It was all My Little Pony and Care Bears....Or not. 

When I was in kindergarten/1st grade, a little boy was taken from the front of our local YMCA.  He was found much later.  Mutilated and with signs of sexual abuse.  His older sister was in my first grade class.

About three years later, some nasty man exposed himself to me in the children's book section of Big Lots.

Jump forward 15 years.  My son is beautiful.  Like, I was afraid to have girls after him, because it seemed unfair.  But I still cannot wipe the media surrounding that little boy from my memory...and my paranoia was huge and only gets bigger as I am forced to let my son have his independence....the world is never as safe as we think it is.  I pray for him and make as many protective efforts around him as possible.

Then, a little over a year ago, one of my favorite bloggers revealed that her son was sexually abused in her church (Breaking the Silence).  It knocked the breath from me.  My soul was scorched with pain for her and her son.

One guess how that affected my pre-standing paranoia?  Yeah.  Only underscored it.  And it took the confidenced that church was untouched by the ugliness of the world.  I was terrified to learn that 1 in 4 children will be sexually abused.

Why am I telling you all this awful stuff?  Because children with developmental disabilites are even more at risk than the general population.  90% of people with developmental disabilities will be victim to sexual abuse in their lifetime.  50% will be subjected to it 10 or more times.

A Facebook friend is waiting for justice for her daughter, who was sexually assaulted as an adult.  She has Downs.  She is not a nameless statistic to me.

Please, PLEASE pray for your children. (ALL of them, typical and non!!)  Be alert.  Make whatever safety precautions you can.  Educate them so they can protect themselves.  Watch for signals something has happened so you can fight for your loved one.  And if the awful should happen...FIGHT.  Fight for justice.  Fight for healing.


http://www.americanbar.org/publications/human_rights_magazine_home/irr_hr_winter00humanrights_petersilia.html

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_abuse_of_people_with_developmental_disabilities

http://www.mass.gov/?pageID=dppcterminal&L=2&L0=Home&L1=Recognizing+Abuse+%26+Neglect&sid=Idppc&b=terminalcontent&f=recognizing_prevalence_of_violence&csid=Idppc

Abbe's Journey:
(and outgrowing ministry and education)

http://dollfamilyzone.blogspot.com/search/label/breaking%20the%20silence