Okay...I've been threatening to throw my peeps under the bus for a while...and while I have in passing, this is the first time I've dedicated a post to it.
My biggest pet peeve of parents of children with any special needs is the refusal to discipline. They fall prey to the doting on a sickly child or they blame the cognitive delays and don't parent.
I don't care if you chose spanking, time outs, the removal of privileges, the giving of consequences, etc. If you choose not to discourage naughty behavior or encourage proper behavior, you are doing your child a disservice. Typical or non.
One of my best friends has a younger brother with special needs. He is severely cognitively delayed. She also has a 2nd little brother who is neuro-typical, on the high end of intellegence, in fact.
The brother with delays was treated the same as my friend. He was given consequences. He was given rewards for good behavior. He was encouraged to be as independent as possible. He currently holds a full-time job with benefits. And has for years. He has friends and enjoys movies and has pursued a very impressive talent in wood-working.
Her other, neuro-typical, brother, was doted on for a multitude of reasons stemming, I suspect, from being a later in life baby...he has dodged virtually every consequence to every decision in his life. Their parents have enabled this. He is mid-twenties now, has no college degree, has never held a job, and continues make dreadful choices in successsion...
Also, interestingly, her brother with cognitive delays, dated a girl with a similar type of disability. Her parents have done everything for her for her entire life. She still cannot bathe herself. She has never held a job. They have made her 100% and completely dependent. And she could have been so very much more.
I cannot tell you how frustrating it is when you meet someone with disabilities who is a pill. Who is selfish and mean. Or who is handicapped by their own parents. It is like seeing people who squander money or talents...it becomes a tragedy.
It is these situations that influence the public's view of those with disabilities. The consequences of these parents' decisions is a loss of opportunities for others with disabilities.
So do everyone a favor. Push your kids to the most of their abilities. Do not let them get away with bullying others or being selfish. Expect their best. It is the biggest favor you can do for them and all those they will come into contact with. Now and in their future.