31 for 21: Parenting Complexities...

Forgive me if today's post is a collage of links...but I see no reason to reinvent the wheel...I am more than happy to nod to others' moments of brilliance and the richness of their stories...It's not because I have nothing to say, as much as it is a demonstration of something, so stay with me:

I actually started this blog to offer yet another perspective on parenting that, at the time, I felt was somewhat unique.  And the truth is, parenting is always a unique perspective, knit into a few key truths...

Here was my original jumping off place:
http://tiffanyselephants.blogspot.com/2010/02/truth-of-parenting.html

A friend posted this link (not hers) and asked for thoughts yesterday:
http://downsyndromeuprising.blogspot.ca/2013/07/picking-rocks.html?m=1

I feel like this is one of those posts where every single option is the "wrong one"...and yet they all have validity as the "right one", too!  As I have said (HERE and HERE) I am wrestling with the fact that at some point you have to quit over-thinking and live your life and parent as best you can...for your particular child, typical AND non.  Another friend called the Picking Rocks post a "painful read," and I would absolutely concur.  I feel that there is certainly as much, I would even  go so far as to say more, judgement in the special needs parenting arena as there is in pregnancy or "typical" parenting.  But just as in the same manner, there are 30-eleven ways to do it *right*.  The judgement comes thick and fast, stemming, from I believe, an innate just-shy-of-the-surface panic that you ARE failing your kid, because you feel every square inch of being human and being *not perfect*. 

As a parent, you have to make the parenting calls you can live with.  You have to do your homework, but your life holds a grouping of unique factors that can never fit into a blanket generic fix.  These unique factors are called PEOPLE.  The parents are people.  The children you are seeking to raise are people.  The community in which you are located are people.  The teachers and peers in your child's impact circles are people.  And as people, they all leave their own mark, have their own stories and failings, and have their own needs. 

Consider this post that a friend is wrestling with:
http://gardenofeagan.blogspot.com/2013/10/is-it-really-inclusion.html

And this heart-wrenching and yet, terribly honest and dare I say common perspective?  (In the feelings and the paths they can so very easily take)
http://www.nopointsforstyle.com/2013/10/issy-and-kelli-stapleton-murder-suicide-and-family.html/

And, while I'm at it, let's bring in the ever popular/infamous proverb:  "It takes a village to raise a child."  I'm not going to debate it, I am just going to say there is a lot more to parenting than a recipe to the perfect kid.  There are more flow charts and scaffoldings of ideas and consequences in raising a child than a library can hold.  BECAUSE THERE IS NO ONE WAY.

Parenting is a hard job.  You have your own baggage and your own hopes.  You have your child's strengths and weaknesses, abilities and inabilities.  You have hope and desperation. 

Ultimately, you have a child that you love, that you need to raise...and you have to do the best you can...and pray that it's enough for that precious life you would give yours for.

The Perspective of Badasses

Yeah.  I know.  Bad word.  And I don't usually stoop to those tactics.  But a few weeks ago, I saw the funniest meme.  And I DIED laughing, I snorted, and tears ran down my cheeks.  And then a friend found it again this week, and told me she thought of me. 

 

 

While addressing the theology of the whole, "God only gives you what you can handle" thing will have to wait for another day... HERE is my favorite one from someone else...

 

NOW that said, I'm also going to send you to another blog that has a TON of language, so please hear the actual story going on!!  The Bloggess.

 

Why share that?  Well, beyond the fact that I laugh until I can't breathe every.single.time. I read that particular post, I like the idea of perspective.  I wrote a post about The Truth of Parenting that addresses the same idea of perspective.

 

I was thinking in carline, again...and found myself thinking about how I view my life when I'm tired and everybody is sick, versus, when I am rested and my kids are well.  I know that our healthy and "normal" is fairly similar to "typical" parents sick and exhausted days.  And I furthermore know, that our sick and exhausted days, are like the very best of healthy and rested days for Elise's friend Megan's family and our neighbors across the street.  And that the sweet and joyful moments are caused primarily by our perspective.  What are we comparing ourselves to?  Why?

 

Could we appreciate the beauty of boring without the crises?  Can we enjoy the high notes without the low?  As in Beethoven's 5th Symphony?

 

 

Most artists use loud and soft, dark and light, and constant layers to drive home the beauty and complexity of beauty.  I watched a documentary on the science of beauty when I was in high school and it utterly fascinated me. It reiterated over and over that beauty is in the subtle imperfections...the contrasts...

 

So, in your dark, look for the light.  Really see your blessings.  In your light, don't lose the shading, in your life, and most especially in others' lives...don't get accustomed to the easy...don't lose the awesome of boring...don't lose perspective.

 

One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 31:21

Set up for yourself roadmarks,
Place for yourself guideposts;
Direct your mind to the highway,
The way by which you went.
Return, O virgin of Israel,
Return to these your cities.

 

 

To me, I think that God is saying more than just "Israel, don't get lost."  I believe that he is saying, "Don't lose yourself , your history, and your perspective in the present." 

 

And so it is with life.  With typical kids.  With special kids.  With your spouse and friends.

 

And the dark, light, special, and everyday become beautiful.