How you fit in your pants.

When Elise was little, she wore jammies and the most adorable bubble onsies.  I had to put socks on over her jammies, to keep her feet in the footies, because her trunk was pretty long, compared to her short little legs.  When it got cold, she wore yoga pants, with the tops turned down or capris.  It really wasn't too tricky.  I had to sew in her waist, cuff her pants, and tweak some of her stuff. 

I started learning how to tailor very low grade about 2 years ago.  Real tailors would probably be horrified.  I turned clothes inside out, and safety pinned the stuff that needed to go.  Then, VROOM, with my cheapie beloved sewing machine.  The folks who read the labels and bought blind in Goodwill have probably cursed me to multiple generations by now.

I gave up on buttons and snaps about a year and a half ago, because she simply HAD to learn to potty alone.  For two reasons, 1)  she needs to learn to independence and 2)  the more independent she is, the safer she'll be.  I can't help but think that the percentage of people with special needs who are sexually assaulted, would drop a bit, if they can take care of their own toileting.  Alone.

People with Down Syndrome are built a little different than typical folks.  They have different proportions than those that the clothing industry are producing for.  If Elise was more of a dress and tights kind of girls, this would not really be an issue.  But if you want slacks or jeans or shorts?  Well.  Lets just say things get difficult pretty early in. 

As I was whining about this, Ethan told me that I should start designing clothing for people with Downs.  About 6 years ago.  And again, 4 years ago.  And yeah...so on.

But a superb grandma beat me to the punch.  Karen Bowersox.  She started a really excellent company called Downs Designs.  She has made several designs and cuts and styles in expanding sizes...adults, kids, youth, and teen.  She's making jeans, shirts, and capris.  And recently, she has added a new line of jeans, NBZ Jeans, for men that are soft and stretchy with no fasteners.  Personally I think this is brilliant for people with autism, other sensory issues, and many other physical disabilities.  They can look more mainstream, without resorting to sweatpants, etc.  And again, can I emphasize the more independent a person is and appears to be can protect them from predators?

Downs Designs has above and away the most stellar PERSONAL customer services.  Karen, herself chatted with me after hours about sizing questions.  She employs Skype to help with sizing and fit support.  Really, above and beyond any company I have ever dealt with.

Sadly, even though I placed an obscenely massive order of different cuts and sizes, nothing fit Elise right.  So. I'm back to square one.

As far as jeans, I have gone to jeggings exclusively, the wider the elastic at the top, the more secure they are, and the less I get *ahem* plummers' issues.  Shorts have gotten exponentially more difficult.

Today, I wandered into a parallel universe on a whim.

Maternity pants wander between scary huge belly panels and wide elastic bands.  I have contemplated getting maternity pants, and putting my own waistbands on them, as they are already cut under the belly, with a very short rise.  (And she will never tuck in a shirt because it sends her over the edge more quickly than tights or bunchy socks.)Today I bought a pair of shorts with the wide elastic band, which was all silky soft.  And would you believe those bad boys fit her like a dream??  They stayed up, because the elastic helps hold them in place.  They didn't make her lose her mind, because the band is silky and doesn't bunch, wrinkle, or cut.  The bottom part is nice and stretchy and superbly flattering.  And NO fasteners!!!  She is cute and perfectly independent.

(please excuse the "dressing room" mess!)

Can I get a whoop, whoop??

In related news, she has managed to get her shoes and socks on alone since Tuesday.  She is cruising for awesome this week!!

31 for 21: Parenting Complexities...

Forgive me if today's post is a collage of links...but I see no reason to reinvent the wheel...I am more than happy to nod to others' moments of brilliance and the richness of their stories...It's not because I have nothing to say, as much as it is a demonstration of something, so stay with me:

I actually started this blog to offer yet another perspective on parenting that, at the time, I felt was somewhat unique.  And the truth is, parenting is always a unique perspective, knit into a few key truths...

Here was my original jumping off place:
http://tiffanyselephants.blogspot.com/2010/02/truth-of-parenting.html

A friend posted this link (not hers) and asked for thoughts yesterday:
http://downsyndromeuprising.blogspot.ca/2013/07/picking-rocks.html?m=1

I feel like this is one of those posts where every single option is the "wrong one"...and yet they all have validity as the "right one", too!  As I have said (HERE and HERE) I am wrestling with the fact that at some point you have to quit over-thinking and live your life and parent as best you can...for your particular child, typical AND non.  Another friend called the Picking Rocks post a "painful read," and I would absolutely concur.  I feel that there is certainly as much, I would even  go so far as to say more, judgement in the special needs parenting arena as there is in pregnancy or "typical" parenting.  But just as in the same manner, there are 30-eleven ways to do it *right*.  The judgement comes thick and fast, stemming, from I believe, an innate just-shy-of-the-surface panic that you ARE failing your kid, because you feel every square inch of being human and being *not perfect*. 

As a parent, you have to make the parenting calls you can live with.  You have to do your homework, but your life holds a grouping of unique factors that can never fit into a blanket generic fix.  These unique factors are called PEOPLE.  The parents are people.  The children you are seeking to raise are people.  The community in which you are located are people.  The teachers and peers in your child's impact circles are people.  And as people, they all leave their own mark, have their own stories and failings, and have their own needs. 

Consider this post that a friend is wrestling with:
http://gardenofeagan.blogspot.com/2013/10/is-it-really-inclusion.html

And this heart-wrenching and yet, terribly honest and dare I say common perspective?  (In the feelings and the paths they can so very easily take)
http://www.nopointsforstyle.com/2013/10/issy-and-kelli-stapleton-murder-suicide-and-family.html/

And, while I'm at it, let's bring in the ever popular/infamous proverb:  "It takes a village to raise a child."  I'm not going to debate it, I am just going to say there is a lot more to parenting than a recipe to the perfect kid.  There are more flow charts and scaffoldings of ideas and consequences in raising a child than a library can hold.  BECAUSE THERE IS NO ONE WAY.

Parenting is a hard job.  You have your own baggage and your own hopes.  You have your child's strengths and weaknesses, abilities and inabilities.  You have hope and desperation. 

Ultimately, you have a child that you love, that you need to raise...and you have to do the best you can...and pray that it's enough for that precious life you would give yours for.

Faffaws

Elise loves waffles.

LOVES waffles. 

Elise can make toaster waffles.

We have put a bicycle chain lock on the fridge and a key lock handle on the pantry.  Between Elise and Gabriel (my 14 year old son), we had no food all the time, 15 minutes after a grocery trip.  So we REALLY needed to have control on when food was eaten:  My son, because he is a starving 14 year old boy.  At 6 foot, he is a bottomless pit.  Elise, because she likes how food crunches in her teeth and doesn't have the sensory wherewithal to realize when she is full and she will eat until she is ill.

The tricky thing is that we are still getting used to locking them.

So this morning, I have all three girls in my bed with me...the next thing I know Elise comes prancing in my room, happily chowing down on a waffle sandwich:  2 waffles with peanut butter in between.  "Yook, I make faffaws aw by mysef!!"  (Look, I make waffles all by myself!)

As usual, I am massively proud of her independence and initiative.

Until I see that this is her second "faffaw samich"...thanks to the remains sprinkled about the kitchen...and realize, yet again, that this girl is faster than a striking snake.

I find myself thinking that parenting Elise in her low verbal state is rather like a unique forensics field...I walk around my life with limited information, scanning every scene without touching, figuring out the consequences of decisions, and the order in which they were made.

It's weird and interesting.  My life could never be described as boring.  I think I may still be making dendrites to store this new profession in.  Supposedly the more puzzles you solve, the stronger your brain gets...at this rate, I will never be senile...I may have ulcers, but my brain will be just fine.