I'd like to pass on my mom card today. I'd like for when something goes wrong for someone else to have to fix it.
I'd like for an actual brilliant and insightful person to be me for a couple of days...and then when they've figured out how to fix it...I'll come back and buckle down.
I am not brilliant. I will not get the Awesome Mom Award. I am stubborn and can put one foot in front of the other. My spiritual gift is perseverance...that's probably my spiritual curse, too...sometimes I don't know when to quit.
Today, Elise had an incredible morning. She worked hard, followed directions. She kept her hands to herself. She participated.
Today, Elise had a bad afternoon. She hit and hurt one of her best friends.
I have no idea why. Nobody does. She can't tell us. We don't know if it was an impulsive mean moment. We don't know if it was Elise trying to get attention. We don't know if it was frustration. We don't know if it was anger at someone else, something else. We don't know if she was tired. We don't know if her medicine made her feel icky or she just up and got mad.
I like to think that when she is able to explain HOW she feels we might be able to set up safety interventions or it won't even come up, because she will be able to express what she wants or needs before the frustration or anger comes out. Until then, I can only hope and pray that we can anticipate and stop her before she hurts someone. I hope and pray that she begins to understand when she does something that is mean or wrong. I hope that some day her good days outweigh her bad days.
I like to brag and tell when she is brilliant. I love to tell you good news and God's miracles. I love to tell stories of "typical moments."
I hate to tell when my baby is mean. I hate to tell when she is hurting. I hate to tell when she is frustrated. I hate to tell about moments that may put her "typical" opportunities at risk. I hate to tell when I don't know what to do.
I am thankful that even bad days are not too insignificant for God's attention. I am thankful that God knows the answers.
I will continue to give her negative behavior the negative consequences that it deserves. I will not turn a blind eye. I will pray. Hard. I will be hopeful and prayerful that she will make better choices as she learns that her friends respond positively to positive choices.
I will pray that her friends will not be hurt. I will pray that they will not fear her and shun her.
I will pray that she will find her place. And I pray that I will have the strength and insight to help her find it..