I've been struggling with a migraine for several days. I have managed to beat it back to a functioning status up until last night...at which point I am cooking my head in lavender oil infused bath water, so hot I can barely stand it and considering cutting my hair off, a la Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite.
This morning I was forced to pull out the big guns. Prescription medication. This morning I'm laying with a pillow over my head, praying my meds will kick in so I can ship my kids to my parents' who are camping locally, when I hear Elise, "I did it myself, Amelia, help with the oven."
Wow. She made her own pizza. Like from scratch on a pita, with tomato sauce and cheese.
The good news? She's motivated and can be independent, whatever her status with snaps and hair brushes.
Sometimes I don't think that the idea of the Zombie Apocalypse is that far fetched...because sometimes I don't think it's particularly external...
Sometimes I feel like my life circles have expanded into another world...like Grimm...that show suggests that all the fairy tale horrors are not made up, just that they are camouflaged and can only be seen by certain people...
Sometimes I feel like I should put up a warning sign for people...like "Don't be my friend, unless you are prepared to hear requests for prayers for friends or hear about the dark side of parenting..."
Sometimes I feel like every time I turn around I remember that there are too many children that have been lost to disease, too many kids are fighting tooth and nail for life, too many memories that have never been made, too many families that are trying desperately for "mostly normal" status...
I weep regularly for other people because I have either been there, personally, parentally, or on the cusp of...
Sometimes I feel half-dying, torn, broken, raw, too broken for words...and sadly, I know that I am not alone in feeling this...
I wonder sometimes if it is a casualty of being in the special needs community, if it really has been that rampant my whole life and I just didn't know, or if it is something that is coming on thanks to all the truth of all the GMO conspiracy theories...
Sometimes I feel guilty for bringing this information to those who are blissfully unaware, being a Debbie Downer...sometimes I feel indignation that there are folks out there judging other parents because of their lack of information, I feel like I need to throw down the gauntlet for those that are hurting so much...sometimes I feel so ill-equipped to be a proper friend because I know how little words mean in the face of pain that big.
Sometimes, though, I am thankful that I know enough to know...sometimes I am thankful for knowing to pray...sometimes I am thankful that I can place the burdens of those who are drowning onto fresher shoulders...
I watched "Warm Bodies" with my son...half because he wanted to, half because it looked so clever funny...
The more I watched it, the funnier it got, and the more I liked it...And I seriously am not okay with zombies in general or horror as a genre...
It is super cerebral funny, but more than that, it's an interesting perspective...and I feel on a certain, over-thought-at-3am-level, that it speaks to the dark side of life...it is simply amazing how much a fellow traveller can mean and how healing their love and support can be...
So...what on earth am I saying here??
Just that there are a lot of hurting, broken people out there...sometimes, their pain is so visible, you find yourself disgusted...or unable to look at it fully...sometimes, it is hidden below the surface, seen only by those who know what to look for...like a zombie...
But they really, really need you to love them, to pray for them, to help hold their brokenness together, to help them heal...
I know a lot of you know us in real life. And if you know Elise in real life, you know she will abruptly run off and get into trouble. She is faster than a striking snake if she decides she should leave, and is classified as "a runner", when we leave her in someone else's care: school, church, babysitters, etc.
But for all her running, she is barely willing to walk any where. She will not run on the road or any kind of path, unless she is not supposed to. Her only voluntary forms of exercising are swimming and jumping on the trampoline, and sometimes I wonder that if she knew that was exercising, if she'd be against those, too.
She complains that her feet hurt, and her hips and back and hair...and I truly believe that her joints hurt her...her body moves very awkwardly and is exceedingly prone to injury.
I run as an outlet for joy and stress release. I laugh that it is the single thing in my life that has a clear start and a clear finish. I am not super competitive, but I do love it. I dabble in 5Ks, I ran a couple of half marathons last year, I have a triathlon coming up soon, and I am shopping 10Ks and 15Ks for this winter.
This is the group description:
"God gave me the gift of mobility. Others aren't as fortunate so I Run for Michael, who do YOU run for?
This is a community forum for inspiration from those who have special needs and for you to inspire others with YOUR story and who YOU run for!
Description
A couple of weeks ago I posted a picture for inspiration for my first official 5K run and one of my facebook friends commented on it. His comment was simple yet profound. He said "you can run for me anytime!"
You see my friend was diagnosed with bilateral hip dysplasia. He was told he would never walk again. He found a doctor who was willing to perform a risky and experimental surgery over a period of two years. He spent a year in a body cast and underwent 17 months of gruelling physical therapy five days a week. He DID walk again. The miraculous results were expected to last two to three years. He recovered enough and so strongly he competed in the Olympics... The Special Olympics. You see, my friend Michael Wasserman has Down Syndrome. This "Old Champ" (as his mother, Mary, calls him) stretched out this miracle 24 years and 24 days. He is now in a wheelchair and can no longer run. But that's not the end of the story... he has been inspiring me for several months with his artwork which he sells in facebook auctions and donates 100% of the proceeds to charity. Last year alone he raised $2500! So I RUN FOR MICHAEL! "
I observed this group for over a week before I signed Elise up to be paired with a buddy and myself as a runner.
I was struck at how much it meant to the runners see the gift the sheer ability to run actually is. I was floored at how seriously they took their mission to include someone else in their runs. I was touched at how involved the runners became in their buddies' disabilities and how interested they became in their lives. I was desperately pleased at how perfectly matched the running community is with the special needs community. They are both steeped in courage, perseverance, and support. As a whole, both very quickly reach out to invite "newbies" in and encourage each other to be their best despite pain and difficulty.
Elise was paired up to a runner in under an hour. I was not disappointed. Her buddy has already run for her several times, posted pictures, read a chunk of this blog in an attempt to get to know more about her, and genuinely reached out to us.
I hope that if you have a child with disabilities, that you will get them a buddy. It is wonderful to know that there is someone that is not tied to you or your child's disabilities, that really WANTS to educate themselves and WANTS to get to know them. The awareness of the non-typical community in a match up like this has amazing possibilities and potential for truly great positive impact on world views.
I hope that if you are a runner, that you reach out and learn more about disabilities you do not have to fight with daily. I hope that you will feel afresh, that running is truly a gift, and not just a hot mess that you sign on to for physical fitness. I hope that you will find a friend and a blessing in the pairing, a true awareness of the PEOPLE behind the disabilities.
I hope that this pairing offers a new perspective for Elise's Buddy. I hope that Elise will remember the encouragement of her buddy, and that perhaps in time, she finds some inspiration to run voluntarily, too!
